The Silence in a Smile
by SoulTears
Summary: Who can say where the line is? And once it's crossed, can things ever go back to the way they were before?


**Disclaimer**: I don't own One Piece. Believe me, if I did, it would be so much more twisted than it already is, believe it!

**A/N**: alright, here's my shot at a OP fanfiction. Me being the homophobe that I am (just kidding, of course) I went for the L/N pairing since its obviously one of the easier ones to do. Anyway, have fun with it

**The Silence in a Smile**

Regret can be a powerful force, a driving spike that bursts through any surface, any layer, and any heart. Yet regret was the farthest thing on Nami's mind as she sat in her room on the Going Merry, pouring over her calculations and maps absentmindedly. Truthfully she didn't feel like doing anything, but seeing as they were still hours from any form of land, it seemed that she would have to either suffer the ravages of boredom or go stir up some trouble on the deck. Preferring the latter, the navigator stretched languidly before opening the door to the outside. What greeted her was so typical she couldn't help but smile. Zoro lay sleeping against the mainsail, Kuina's sword nestled against his heart, Robin sat not far off in the shade of the sail itself reading one of her many books, Sanji was cooking in the kitchen and shouting out to Luffy and Usopp as they struggled for the last rice ball on the table. The captain had planted his feet and held fast to the ball whilst the marksman tried to pry it from him. Their cries fascinated Chopper as he looked anxiously among them, calling out warnings occasionally. In a flash the battle was over, Usopp lay on the floor with empty hands and Luffy did a little jig as he wolfed down the last rice ball. That done, he suddenly turned to face her.

"Hey Nami," he called out joyously, and she almost missed a step, not because of its suddenness or the fact that it gave her butterflies (although she'd drop dead before admitting to them), but because she couldn't hear any feeling in them. It was almost like he was talking to a stranger. Sure the smile was there, plastered stupidly on his face like any other time, but she could see that it did not reach his eyes. They were blank, as if he were looking right through her. Yet before she could say or do anything, the captain had turned and resumed his meal at the table. A sudden chill filled her body at the gesture. It shouldn't have felt like a brush-off, or a dismissal, but that was all she could think of. At that moment the prospect of being on deck seemed like the worst idea ever. Back in the safety of her room she heaved a sigh of relief. That cold shoulder really rattled her and for a moment she was angry at the moronic bastard for making her feel this way. But before she could start up mentally and verbally tearing down that annoying prick, she was hit with the memory of a day not too long ago. It had been a day just like today…

XXX

The sun shone over white clouds, its beams basking the sea with its quiet peace. As for the members of the Going Merry, the bright disc beckoned to them, and they responded. Zoro took his mid-mid-mid-afternoon nap nestled on top of a pile of rope; Robin lay on a towel with a book, sunning herself whilst Usopp slept in the crow's nest, his snores traveling down to the deck. Sanji smoked silently on the port side, one leg lifted on the wooden rail with eyes lost in the blue. Nami, feeling wonderful at the moment, stood leaning against the mainsail, letting the peace of the crew fill her. There was only one person missing from this equation, and the navigator sought him out almost instinctively. Monkey D. Luffy sat cross-legged atop the ram's head of the Going Merry facing the sea. The sea stretched forever in all directions, a blue eternity. Luffy seemed to be enveloped in the blue- sky, horizon, and sea. She was staring, she knew it, but everyone was so wrapped up in their own thing that she didn't care. Besides, it was probably the best time to get to know something about her enigmatic captain. Using the walk of a thief, she walked up to the base of the ram's head and leaned onto it.

"Hey Luffy," she called out softly so that only he could hear, though she didn't really know why.

"Yeah Nami," he answered, his body turning slightly in her direction so he could look at her. His eyes, which had been distant, focused solely on her, as if nothing else existed in the world and she knew, _knew_ that it didn't mean anything. He was simple-minded, one-track thought, slow, but it never failed to make her body feel like it was nauseous and floating at the same time. Realizing that he was still waiting for her, she rushed forward, a slight blush on her cheeks.

"It's too quiet around here so I was wondering if you wanted to talk."

"Sure," he said simply, that trademark grin of his forming on her face.

"Alright," she said, pausing a moment to stamp down the sudden urge to smile with him. "Why don't we start with you? You want to be the King of All Pirates, but what about afterwards? What will you do after having conquered the Grand Line?" The whole time he held his huge smile but it was clear that he was also thinking about how to answer her question.

"Well, I guess I could go back to my village… now that you mention it, there's actually someone else I made a promise to back there. I wonder how she's doin'…" he trailed off then but Nami hardly noticed. The last thing she heard was 'she' and it brought the world to a grinding halt. All of a sudden the image of Luffy sitting on the ram's head changed to the captain sitting leisurely on a red couch with three gorgeous women running their hands along his shoulders, his chest, his neck, everywhere their hands were like pirates searching for treasure. They were so beautiful and she could see Luffy's eyes glazed with passion. So many emotions assaulted her then but she couldn't pick out any one of them until finally anger sprang to the forefront- the easiest feeling to work with.

"Are you serious? You left some girl behind at your village," she demanded, her voice shrilly breaking the peace on the ship. Luffy turned fully around to look at her, the smile replaced with an incredulous look.

"What are you talking…" but she cut right in, the jealous rage overtaking her as her heart struggled to sort out the feelings and the mind tried to process. Meanwhile, her mouth just kept running on.

"I don't want to hear it! I can't believe you could be such a heartless jerk! How could you lead someone on and then just leave them?"

"But Nami, you got it all wrong," he tried again, taking advantage of her heavy breathing as she readied her lungs for another onslaught. "It's just that we made a promise to marry each other when we grew up, but that was way before I met Shanks. We always used to do races to see who the better swimmer was and stuff like that. I haven't even seen her in years." This apparently wasn't the right thing to say because once that sentence was out Nami stepped up onto the ram's head. Luffy, oblivious to the look of fury on the navigator's face, stood as well.

"I don't believe it. You really are stupider than I thought! You have STUPID tattooed all over your body! How in the hell could you make a promise like that and then just leave without even saying goodbye you moronic, insensitive, rubber-brained, slow-witted, unprecedented retard!" A silence fell over the deck as everyone tried to come up with whatever they had to do now. Once again Nami took the first step. During her last tirade she had slowly gotten closer to Luffy until she stood mere inches before him. Without warning her leg lashed out, sending the slender young captain out into sea. Sound ceased as the other crewmembers gasped and headed for the portside. Nami stormed from the deck. Meanwhile, Luffy had reached out and grasped the chain of the anchor immediately following the kick, effectively tethering himself to the Going Merry and whipping back onto the ship, but not before falling in the ocean as the water rushed up to devour him. The silence was deafening; only the dripping saltwater could be heard. Then laughter rang out from within the bowed head of the captain's straw hat.

"Boy, Nami sure gets hyper sometimes huh," he said, the grin still on his face even as he walked past the other crewmates to his quarters. Chopper felt his skin crawl, his 'doctor's sense' kicking in as he tried to ascertain the injury, but even he couldn't heal what had been broken.

XXX

Nami sat at her desk, wondering why that memory should resurface now. 'Although, now that I think about it, I haven't really talked to him since that day,' she thought. She tried to come up with some reason why this was but none came to mind. Every time she had entered a room, he was either just leaving or incapacitated with sleep or food. It never seemed intentional, just coincidence that they were never alone. More thoughts and memories resurfaced and she decided then to just forget about it for now. 'It's probably nothing, no reason to get all worked up over that jerk.' Left with nothing else to think about, the young navigator took a nap.

Some hours later the Going Merry lay anchored ashore on the small island of Guido. Although famous for its exotic fauna and incredible hot springs, it was well out of the way of any main sailing line and, despite its notoriety, remained uninhabited. Here the Straw Hat crew decided to spend some quality time off the ship and search for food. Zoro was the first off, mumbling about hunting and training, Robin took her notebook so as to do some research with Chopper in tow, and Sanji stayed aboard to take inventory and rearrange the kitchen for any new acquisitions. As for Nami, the sound of the anchor dropping had awakened her from strange dreams and she decided to take a walk, hoping to find some quiet. Luffy was nowhere to be seen.

'Ah damn it! The images won't stop,' she thought angrily as her slow gait around the island turned into a stomping march into the center. Her movement ceased, however, when the trees cleared to reveal a crystal-blue lake, the water looking so cool and inviting, if only someone weren't already in it. Instinct and curiosity kicked in and she squatted by a tree near the edge of the lake. Near the center where the light blue-brown of shallow met its dark-blue counterpart stood the mighty shirtless captain of the Going Merry. He was waist-deep in the water and Nami couldn't stop the gasp at catching a glimpse of him. He really was tanned, wasn't he? Over and over he cupped his hands and stuck them into the water before pouring it over himself. After awhile he made a fist and ran along his skin as if to wash something off. The rubbing continued at an almost frantic pace, going ever faster even when the skin turned a fiery red. Nami watched in morbid fascination as knuckles tore skin and the blood dripped slowly into the lake, but the rubbing didn't stop. Then, after his arms finally fell to his side the navigator witnessed the carefree pirate, the ambitious young man with infinite optimism breathe a long shuddering sigh that seemed to come from his very soul. It disturbed the placid lake surface, causing ripples to float gently away from him. She couldn't even move. She could only stare from behind the tree. She shouldn't be watching this, it felt much too private and yet a voice deep within was telling her that this behavior was directly related to her. After that strange event Luffy walked over to the shore where his shirt lay quietly, patiently. The revelation that he kept his shorts on did not surprise her and she was silently grateful he did. Who knows what might've happened if she saw any more than she already had? Sliding it on, he made his way into the forest. Curiosity overrode even her common sense as she followed. 'Besides, at least _he_ looks like he has a clue,' she pondered, chuckling a moment at the ironic thought. Not too long after walking among identical trees, she heard the sounds of people and the smell of food wafted to her. 'He followed the smell of food,' she thought with another chuckle. 'That figures.' Then the jungle exploded to reveal a clearing where the rest of the crew sat at a makeshift table eating boar's meat and steamed vegetables. Luffy squealed happily and stretched his arm out to grab a slab of ham. The action startled the others out of their conversation. Then Luffy smiled goofily, effectively breaking the silence and returning normalcy to the scene. In the face of that same carefree attitude, Nami began to wonder if maybe she had imagined the scene at the lake. The rest of dinnertime she tried her best to watch him out of the corner of her eye, but despite the reddened skin, there was nothing but the usual on his face.

The meal finished and wine bottles drained, the crew retired for the night on the ship. Yet try as she did, sleep eluded Nami. She couldn't stop the images of Luffy in the lake, rubbing his arms in a desperate attempt to be clean, Luffy sighing, Luffy sinking into the deep blue, until finally she left her room to take a walk on the deck. The night was bright with the light of the full moon and she could even make out constellations among the cloud cover. Taking a second to use the star patterns to plot out her location (an unconscious habit); she walked along the port side marveling at how each point of light was reflected in the churning sea. As she was reaching the ram's head she came across something she had never expected to see.

There, down on the sands of the beach sat Luffy, his legs hitched with elbows resting on knees and eyes staring at the ocean. The waves churned and fell just inches from his feet, as if the sea were trying to see how close it could get before he moved. With curiosity burning hotter than ever, Nami made her way off the ship and walked tentatively toward him, cursing that damn straw hat that prevented her from seeing his face. When she was just a few feet away and he still didn't react, she decided to make the first move.

"Luffy?" For a moment she could have sworn he jumped, but instead he turned to her and smiled softly. It was frightening; Luffy never smiled that way, as if weighed down by some impossible burden and trying to hide it. Finally he answered and she felt an unreasonable sense of dread.

"Yeah Nami," he asked, his eyes focused on hers and yet she couldn't feel him. Right then her mind decided to take over and say what she had wanted to say all day.

"Are you okay? Because you've been acting a little weird lately and I was just wondering…" she trailed off as her cheeks grew hot and she prayed that he wouldn't notice. To her relief and surprise his gaze returned to the beach. Taking the opportunity, the young navigator sat down some feet from her captain. For what seemed like hours they sat in silence on the shore. Then.…

"I do miss it sometimes." Jeez, he really couldn't be any more vague could he? But before she could ask for elaboration, Luffy went on. "Back home I used to swim with Sarah all the time. Our home, being a port town, was always full of traders and merchants. Sometimes some pirates would dock looking for some food or something, but we never had problems. Sarah's parents owned a bait shop down by the docks and everyday I would head there to try and steal some so I could fish. It only worked when Sarah was there though." Nami could imagine Luffy as a boy walking right into the shop and scooping up the shrimp and calamari and walking out. "We were really close, Sarah and me, always hanging out by the beach or swimming among the ships, collecting the barnacles that clung to the hulls. She would always joke around about us being 'boyfriend and girlfriend' and I would laugh with her. Well, one day we were coming back from a race when she asked me if I would marry her when we got older."

"And what did you say?" Nami couldn't help it. The question was out before she could even think to stop it.

"I didn't know what she was talking about but she seemed really hopeful so I said yes. After that I met Shanks." Nami took advantage of the silence to sort out everything he had said. Once that was done, she could feel her curiosity rising again.

"What happened after that," she asked tentatively.

"Well, her parents were killed when their shop burned down and she went to live with the mayor and his sons. I visited her sometimes but she always wanted to go swimming… and I couldn't. Then I left to become King of the Pirates." Nami held her breath, anticipating his next sentence almost fearfully. She was wound so tightly she almost jumped when he nestled his head on his raised knees. "I'm really sorry."

"For what," Nami whispered, it was so low she could hardly hear it.

"I'm not the smartest guy in the world since I never really went to school. All I've ever wanted was that I be important someday, that my life would mean something to somebody. So I decided to become King of the Pirates because I didn't think there could be anything more important than that. All my dreams were of the sea, of sailing forever in the blue, my own little world. So I found me an old boat, attached a sheet to it, and left my village. I didn't know what I was doing, or even where I was going. I guess I just figured eventually I would find the Grand Line, get me an unbeatable crew, and find One Piece. I never thought it would be so hard, or how hungry I got drifting all alone. Then I met you. I knew from the beginning you were good, even after all the things you did. You know, tricking me, letting Buggy catch me, stealing from me…"

"I get the point Luffy!"

"Anyway, my crew was finally coming together and we were sailing to the Grand Line. I was so happy to have all these friends, but it didn't matter. I'm always arguing with Usopp about who is the captain, but the truth is I don't deserve it. All these years have gone by and nothing has changed. I'm still too stupid for you." Nami reeled from everything he had said and didn't notice immediately as he stood up. It wasn't until he started walking into the surf that she finally registered his movement. He was walking out to sea!

"What the hell are you doing Luffy," she cried out as she followed in and grabbed his arm. "Are you nuts? You know you can't swim! You'd sink like a rock you stupid moron!" The insult was out before she could stop it and an epiphany that felt like ice-cold water down her back overtook her. It was her fault, her fault that he was acting this way. Sure she wasn't the only one that insulted his intelligence, the crew did it on a daily basis, but she was different, wasn't she? Despite all he had done for her, all the betrayals and fights that he had braved and endured for her sake, he never fought back. He took it. The scars healing over his chest from his struggles seemed to scream at her, blaming _her_ for their existence. The epiphany continued, revealing all his stupid smiles when he talked to her, and that focused look that made a strange heat kindle in her body, a focus that he never showed to anyone else, as if she really _mattered_. They stood there in seawater up to their chest and Nami suddenly remembered the scene at the spring. His skin was still red from it.

"Why?" He looked down at her, at the hand that still held his arm and the other that lay splayed on his chest. The look in his eyes was back again, drilling into hers. The moment stretched on, lasting until eternity before he spoke.

"It wouldn't come off," he said, and the sigh she had heard at the spring fell from his lips. The statement itself brought her memory of that fateful day and what she had said rang clear in her mind. Tears burst from her eyes to see his shoulders sag under the weight of her insults. He didn't deserve it, it wasn't fair. Throwing pride to the wind she embraced him.

It was her turn to apologize.

"I'm so sorry Luffy. I didn't mean it, I didn't know," she mumbled into his chest, the sound of his erratic heartbeat terrifying her. How could she have missed it? Why didn't she see past that simple optimism to see the true Luffy, the child with only a dream and hat to his name, the man gifted and cursed with the Devil Fruit, the one person that really understood her completely? As if adding insult to injury, the memory of the last time they had talked arose to mock her again. In her jealous and dejected rage, she had kicked him out to sea! Dear gods she could've killed him! The idea of having done such a horrible act made her body tremble harder with tears. His arms came up slowly and rested on the small of her back. It seemed like hours that they held each other, the waves cresting and ebbing around them softly. Finally, Nami lifted her head to look at him, and without a second thought she brought her lips to meet his. She felt the captain stiffen for a second before his mouth opened to deepen the kiss. It continued until breathing became an issue, and the navigator was the first to pull away. Overcome with feeling she felt herself slump onto his warm chest, reveling in the way his arms tightened to keep her up effortlessly. 'He's always been there for me,' she thought, and it made the tears build in her eyes again. Before she could apologize again, however, he kissed her again, this one lighting a fire she felt in her veins, burning so strongly that when he pulled away she couldn't help but follow his lips for a moment, not wanting it to end. He spoke as they made their way out of the beach and back onto the ship

"It's ok Nami, I know you didn't mean it," he said, that joyful smile she remembered back on his face as they stood before her room. That focus was there too, but she knew now what it was. Not just affection, or importance, or any other trivial little emotion between friends. This focus came from the same place that had made Luffy declare her status among the crew to the entire population of Kokoyashii Village, that place that made him smile faintly before placing his straw hat, the one possession he owned, safely on her head, trusting her to keep it and herself safe. 'Is this love,' she thought with a fleeting smile. 'No,' another voice replied simply, yet without malice.

"But it could be," she whispered, and only the night heard her, Luffy had long since fallen asleep in her embrace. Neither thought of the questions something like this would bring up come morning, all that mattered was the warmth of their skin, and the understanding of the one to the other. The moon shone on their slumbering form one last time before a cloud covered it from view.

* * *

Nothing to say…. Ja ne 


End file.
